Impact of Masturbation on Our Sex Lives

Do you have any questions about masturbation or self-pleasure? Ask and let’s have a conversation! Do you have any stories about how masturbation has impact your sex life? Let’s talk!

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Hello Ami,
Last year’s discussion was great. Happy to be a part of this year’s discussion and the topic is one that I’ve been wanting to discuss with someone for so long. Big ups :+1:

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My question on this topic is “Does masturbation count as cheating?” That is in a relationship.

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I want to know whether if you enjoying masturbation more than sex, is a bad thing?

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Hi Ami,

Can masturbation affect a guys performance negatively in bed?

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Does a lot of masturbation cause erectile dysfunction?

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Hi Shadyfox, yeah, I remember you from last year’s conversation about casual sex and pregnancy scares. Thank you! Yeah, let’s talk about masturbation!

Although cheating is subjective and it is important for every couple to define what cheating means to them in order to establish boundaries and make sure you are both on the same page, masturbation shouldn’t count as cheating.

Masturbation is solo sex. It is its own sexual outlet that allows you to give pleasure to yourself without anybody else involved physically. It gives you a chance to explore your body and find out what feels good too!

Furthermore, masturbation can be a part of your partnered sexual experiences if you want to spice things up even. So, instead of looking at masturbation in a bad light, sexually active people should embrace it as a healthy part of sexual living.

Hi Bluechalk, first of all, what do you mean by ‘a lot of masturbation’?

Secondly, masturbation does not affect erectile function or the ability of men to get an erection or maintain an erection. Unless masturbation is compulsive or it’s coming between a person and their chores, work, or school, it is healthy.

Erectile dysfunction has several causes that don’t include masturbation. It can be caused by stress, performance anxiety, smoking, drug abuse, some medications, relationship problems, high cholesterol levels, high blood pleasure, heart disease, and diabetes.

Hi, unless a man is masturbating in an unhealthy way like humping a hard surface (wall, table, bed post, etc.) or employing rough masturbation techniques, masturbation shouldn’t affect his ability to have long-lasting, safe and pleasurable sexual experiences.

Also, you need to stop thinking of sex as a something you do as a test of your performance or masculinity. Viewing sex that way puts pressure on people and can cause performance anxiety which goes a long way to negatively impact the overall experience.

Think of sex as something you do with someone to celebrate your sexuality and to get pleasure. Think of it as an activity that involves people working together to give and get pleasure and you will love how different sex will feel.

Hi Edward, there’s no right or wrong when it comes to your preference for one sexual activity over another unless the act is harmful to you or somebody else.

Masturbation is its own sexual outlet. It is solo-sex, and if you enjoy doing it alone better than with someone else, it is fine. There is nothing wrong with you. However, you need to note that masturbation is the foundation of all partnered sexual experiences.

Whatever you learn about your body during masturbation can be made a part of partnered sexual experiences for a more enjoyable experience. So, instead of worrying about what’s wrong with loving masturbation more than partnered sex, why not find ways of exploring partnered sex in a way that gives you the experience you get from masturbation?

I know this might seem a little confusing but you can explore mutual masturbation with a partner, masturbating before partnered sex, or masturbating during partnered sex. Every sexually active person has the right to define what sex means to them. So, since you’ve discovered masturbation as your way to true pleasure, make it a huge part of your partnered sexual experiences and you will love the outcome.

Off late I take too long to ejaculate compared to previously. Could something be wrong?

I find it interesting that you are asking if something could be wrong because some other men would rejoice if they had noticed that they were lasting longer than they previously used to.

So, about your concern, I won’t say that there is something wrong with you. As humans, change is constant. As sexually active people, the more you have sex and understand the need for control over ejaculation, you tend to do one or few things that prolong ejaculation during sex.

You might be taking longer to ejaculate because mentally you have more control over your ejaculation. Maybe previously, you found it hard to know when you were getting close to ejaculating, but now you know better and you are able to pause penetrative sex or think about something else to delay ejaculation.

Maybe you are doing more foreplay now. or maybe subconsciously, you have adopted one or two lifestyle changes that is making you last longer in bed.

Let me know if you can relate to anything mentioned and I will understand your concern better.

hi amy, how much masturbation is too much?

is it okay to masturbate if you’re in a relationship?

Hi ami is there anything wrong with me if I dont get orgasm when I masturbate

Hi Issy, so I cannot quantify how much masturbation is too much but what I can tell you is that, you can only call somebody’s masturbation habit excessive or ‘too much’ if they have a compulsive urge to masturbate. What I mean is, having little or no control over your urge to masturbate. With that, when you have the urge, you stop whatever you are doing to masturbate. It is problematic because it can come between your relationships, work, chores, etc.

So, the key thing is to make sure that you always have self-control

Is there something wrong with me if I don’t want to masturbate?

Yeah it is perfectly healthy to masturbate if you are in a relationship. What people don’t know is that, masturbation can make your sexual experiences with your partner more enjoyable.

For women, you can learn more about your body, different ways to get pleasure and how to intensify pleasure when you masturbate. With that knowledge and establishing of an orgasm response, you can direct your partner during sex to get more pleasure and have a good time.

The same thing applies to men. Men can also learn ejaculatory control during masturbation in order to last longer during partnered sex. Masturbation is one way to get pleasure and getting pleasure is healthy because of the feel-good hormones released that can boost your mood, help you sleep better, and relieve pain sometimes.

You can make masturbation a part of your sexual experiences in your relationship even! It’s one way to keep things from being too monotonous, and rather exciting!

No Issy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to masturbate. You have the right to decide what you want to do sexually and what you don’t want to do.

However, you need to keep in mind the benefits of masturbation to your partnered sexual experiences and if you ever want to explore masturbation, you can go ahead with it.

For the meantime, go ahead and stick with what works for you. If it is partnered sex, find ways of making it more pleasurable and exciting. If you aren’t interested in penetrative sex, you can also find other ways of getting pleasure that works for you. You have the pen in your hands because it’s your life, write your own definition of what works for you sexually and stick with it!

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